It has been months since I picked up a pen or opened my computer with the purpose of writing. It isn't as though the thought hadn't crossed my mind, if anything, it lurked quite vividly in the forefront while I actively pushed it away. I cannot describe with certainty whether it was a fear of beginning, a fear of finishing something, or just a fear that I had nothing important to say, no value to add to anyone, anywhere. Either way, I kept putting it off.
Perhaps the problem lies in how well I can disassociate myself from the idea of being a writer. I used to do that with my art as well, dismissing myself with self-proclaimed labels like doodler, sketcher, or when I didn't want the attention, just as someone who enjoys the act of drawing. And so, I killed a passion by pushing any who were interested in my work away until no one took me seriously. With writing, it's different because I am distancing myself from myself. I have been my own worse enemy. Instead of going out on a limb and just writing, refocusing my attention on helping friends manage the pursuit of their dreams became the obsession. It worked for a while but, passions have a way of reminding you that you are not doing the thing you're supposed to be doing.
One morning I was working through emails at the office and my hands just stopped typing. I stared at the dual monitors scanning the workload, the emails, the administrative duties, and the meaninglessness of it all. I was an email pusher, and the emails were all the same. I had no lies to tell myself, no words of encouragement, and the only thing I could do was try to keep myself from walking to my boss and handing over a resignation letter. I regret the decision to stay (the typical I have bills to pay so just hang on a little longer rationale) but, something awoke that I had been trying to lull away all this time.
I messaged the only person I could think of who was working towards living her dreams. As I pulled my phone out I pictured her sitting at a coffee shop coding the shit out of her future while still holding down a steady job, then I asked her rather point blank, "What can I read or do to change my work ethic? Anything you can recommend? I just feel like doing nothing all the time." Three minutes later I felt a rush of excitement at the 4 little words in her response: The War of Art. I downloaded the Audible.com app and got my ears on the audio-book immediately. The next day as I worked from home it blared through my speakers and I imagined my neighbours being annoyed at the gruff voice narrating what I imagined might sound like gibberish to people just trying to get by.
It was a game-changer! I tried passing it on to everyone I knew, who I believed, had the potential to do something better with their lives, something that channeled their creativity and encouraged them to focus on their purpose. According to the author Stephen Pressfield, I am suffering from resistance and it is winning. It is so strong in me that I managed to get lost in the everyday, slowly and surely slipping back into my old ways. Tomorrow, there's always tomorrow, but here I am today furious with my choices. Furious that something intangible is winning me over; that I am pushing my dreams away! There can be no more excuses; no more broken promises; and no more reasons for regret.
If you struggle the same way I do, please, take a moment and read or listen to The War of Art and take back the life you were meant to live, the person you were supposed to be. Fight back! Resist resistance and start valuing yourself, start doing everyday what inspires you to live a fuller and meaningful life. Do anything you can to get back on-track or to at the very least, find what motivates you, what excites you, and dare to be unconventional if the shoe fits.
Every day we talk to friends, family, coworkers, even strangers. We make calls, send emails, text messages, post comments online. We crack jokes, sprinkle in some sarcasm, add a dash of opinions. Most of the time those we engage with understand what we attempt to convey and the interaction is smooth and seamless. Why is that? Simply put, you have a common ground from which to build up a mutual understanding. Your circle of friends tends to consist of like-minded people who share your enthusiasm for music, bar hopping, political views, and whatever else happens to join your kindred spirits. I know what some of you might be thinking, that you have friends as diverse as Costa Rican rain forests. While this may be true, I urge you to list the differences and commonalities and you will find that one side outweighs the other. There is nothing wrong with seeking and surrounding yourself with like-minded people; this is after all, how relations, a sense of belonging, community, and culture are built and we have been studying how these relationships developed over time since we became curious about the nature of our existence.
While many social sciences are tackling how we became the animals we are today, it would be wrong to assume that all scientific interests are benign. Fields such as Marketing for example, were developed out of a desire to tap into the psychology of target audiences. The research collected has helped companies successfully place their products in the homes of millions every year. While I have my quips with Marketing it is still an incredibly fascinating field, able to group us into broader categories we obliviously subscribe to while lulling us into a false sense of independence. We seldom challenge the categorization and how we come to adore the products we buy but, admitting we are susceptible to having our fundamental values corrupted would mean acknowledging our sense of self can be influenced which would surmise, there is no such thing as a free will. This stubbornness—as like to call it—gets us in trouble because it allows us to maintain a distance from the type of reflexivity necessary to protect our core-self from the kind of influence we so actively ignore and deny.
So, what does this all mean? For starters, it means that we are not only very good at categorizing our experiences, but that the very act of categorizing comes naturally to us (this could have huge implications on how we understand the formation of racism, sexism, and all other isms which I will discuss in a later post). Arguably, we have been categorizing experiences since birth and the associations we've made along the way with the very objects, people, experiences, and ideas we have encountered undoubtedly, have shaped us and our worldview. To add another layer, we are creatures who adore recognition and thrive in positive reinforcement. We tend to gravitate towards whatever makes us feel good and having like minded friends increases the chances for those feel-good experiences. Homogenous relations therefore, are a great way to reinforce and reaffirm that our worldview is good because others share it. In these groups, we are reassured, we feel safe, we feel understood.
According to Semiotics (the study of signs and symbols, how they are assigned meaning, and how we engage with meaning), words can have an abundance of meaning because the symbols they represent will differ slightly for each and every single one of us. Let's say you were asked to visualize an 'apple,' what colour would it be? If you imagined it to be 'red' I might suggest that the first images you had been exposed to would would have coloured the apple red. Say I had never laid eyes on an apple and one day I was presented a green one, it wouldn't be wrong to assume that every time I visualize an apple it would appear 'green.' Why is this worth considering more deeply? Because understanding each other heavily relies on associating the same meaning to a shared vocabulary and ideas. It isn't the only thing that is required for successful communication, but the importance of a common understanding is imperative to bridging differences and to systematically eradicating the misconceptions that spur or racism, sexism, and any form of negative associations we may have about a person or a group of people.
This will be no easy task. Language is in constant flux as each generation evolves and reshapes the vocabulary in their image while the world simultaneously continues to shrink through globalization via increased interdependence. Then of course, there is technology, the great enabler, which allows ideology (both positive and negative) to be widespread and accessible like never before. These are literally the best of times, but also, the worst of times as populations grow weary of the shifting marketplace, the geopolitical issues that steadily appear less and less solvable, while a growing fear of assimilation is brewing in the nationalities who feel the pressure of a new form of colonization. On the bright side, technology is gifting social scientists with an influx of data on human behaviour, culture, and the opportunity to study the 'ego' and it's rawest form: the internet troll.
Scaling the topic back down into our homogenous groups, instances where communication break down can also occur every now and then. Benign examples include but are not specific to heading out to meet your friends only to realize you are in the wrong place, at the wrong time, etc. It's important to note that I am not referring to instances where language is purposely used to mislead each other, but rather to those instances where the phrasing of instructions, of emotions, of opinions are interpreted to mean vastly different things--this for me, is the at the heart of misunderstanding. This might suggest that we may never be able to work the kinks out of misunderstanding one another completely but, we are certainly on our way to bridging this gap with worldwide interest in learning a common tongue (English). In theory, this is phenomenal as it would give us a leveled ground from which to build up understanding and though many would argue that the loss of culture would be far too great, we cannot deny that the more we depend on each other the more inevitable the change will become. To ensure there is no confusion, I adore our differences because I believe they make the world a far more interesting place but the level to which we are capable of misinterpreting each other is alarming and it is my opinion that we need to elevate ourselves and our thinking. We cannot allow ourselves to wallow in ignorance any longer, the stakes are far too high.
Originally I intended this site as a forum for discussing political dissent but lacking conviction I downgraded my aspirations and decided to devote this space to revisiting my favourite aphorisms. At the time it seemed practical since I had gotten into the habit of flipping through old journals, frantically re-reading notations I had scribbled years ago between the margins. It quickly became evident that my frame of thinking had changed and I began to question the meaning of these familiar words. I realized that life experiences not only change us but they change the way we engaged with aphorisms; they transform them into multifaceted complex statements about the stages of our lives. While exciting, the discovery left me uninspired and disengaged. I didn't realize at the time however, that I had unwittingly embarked on the tireless pursuit of questioning everything.
Naturally, the workplace fell victim to my new found inquisitiveness and while it was exhilarating to challenge my bosses to implement better and sounder practices, it wasn't fulfilling enough and the rest as they say, is history. I listened to some amazing podcasts and began utilizing technology for the things that mattered the most to me: continuous education. I found countless individuals fighting the good fight who asked tough questions and offered adverse views on a wide array of topics. I hadn't quite realized at the time how I would fit into the picture that was unfolding before me until I stumbled across one of the most important quotes of all time.
I realized I may not have all the answers but, I am curious and reflexive enough to ask anyone their opinion while looking for solutions. This was the moment I realized engaging with others in meaningful discussions was a passion I could no longer ignore. The desire to continue learning and the excitement of changing the way I see myself and others is a challenge worth undertaking.
Finding your purpose is no easy task and just because you find something meaningful doesn't mean that you no longer need to invest time and effort into developing your new found sense of self. I want to ask the important question s and I am keenly aware that at times they will seem irrelevant but to me, they are the fundamentals that make me who I am. History is riddled with people who have asked the right questions who have inspired the right people to effect change and if I am able to at the very least leave you, the reader, with a desire to investigate further any claims or questions posed here then I am fulfilling my own dream of effecting change one thought at a time. I once was an optimist turned realist who accepts that we all value different things and I want nothing more than to review these differences and try finding the commonality that links us to each other in order to weave a story that makes all of us fit into the bigger picture.
I hope that you can find some solace in the pages that follow and I hope that you are forgiving in any of the areas where I am lacking. Please, feel free to enlighten me as this is a quest to learn as much as possible. While it took a very long time to find a voice that was eager enough for the challenge I welcome all your criticisms and eagerly await any and all of your opinions!